Have you ever been left reeling after someone close to you said or did something incredibly hurtful, and then just…didn’t seem to care? Maybe they even twisted things around to make it seem like your fault. If you’ve ever felt confused, hurt, and belittled by someone who should have supported you, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
One common question that pops up is: “How can I make them feel the way they made me feel?” It’s a natural desire to want someone to understand the pain they caused.
20 ways to make a Narcissist Feel for Hurting You
Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, especially when they’ve hurt you. While it might seem impossible to make them feel remorse, there are several strategies you can try. These tips might help you make a narcissist realize the impact of their actions and, more importantly, protect your own emotional well-being. Here is how to make a Narcissist Feel for Hurting You:
1. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. Boundaries are the limits you establish to protect your emotional well-being. Clearly define what behavior you will and will not tolerate from the narcissist.
For example, if they often criticize you, let them know that you will not engage in conversations where they are being disrespectful.
Once you set these boundaries, it is important to stick to them consistently. If the narcissist crosses a boundary, calmly remind them of the limit you have set and follow through with any consequences you have decided on.
For instance, if they continue to criticize you despite your boundary, you might choose to end the conversation or leave the room. Consistency is key because it reinforces that your boundaries are serious and must be respected.
2. Use Assertive Communication with Them
Assertive communication involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs directly and respectfully.
When dealing with a narcissist, it is important to communicate in a way that avoids triggering their defensiveness. Using “I” statements can help with this. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel ignored when you don’t respond to what I’m saying.”
Being assertive means standing up for yourself without being aggressive. It involves making your points clearly and calmly.
For instance, if a narcissist is demanding too much of your time, you could say, “I need some time for myself right now, and I can’t help you with this.” By being direct and respectful, you assert your own needs and protect your emotional health, making it clear that you will not be easily manipulated or disrespected.
3. Show No Emotional Reaction to Them
When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to remember that they often thrive on emotional reactions.
By showing no emotional reaction to their behavior, you take away their power. This means staying calm and composed, even when they try to provoke you or upset you. Instead of reacting emotionally, try to respond in a neutral manner.
For example, if they make a hurtful comment, simply acknowledge it without showing any outward signs of distress. This can be difficult, but it helps to rob the narcissist of the satisfaction they seek from getting a reaction out of you.
4. Enforce Consequences for Them
Setting boundaries is essential, but it’s equally important to enforce consequences when those boundaries are crossed.
Consequences are the outcomes or actions that occur as a result of someone’s behavior. When dealing with a narcissist, it’s crucial to follow through with consequences when they violate your boundaries. This might involve limiting contact with them, refusing to engage in certain conversations, or even ending the relationship altogether if necessary.
For example, if a narcissist repeatedly ignores your requests for space and continues to invade your privacy, you might enforce consequences by reducing the amount of time you spend with them or by refusing to engage in discussions about personal matters. By enforcing consequences consistently, you send a clear message that their behavior is unacceptable and that there are real repercussions for their actions. This can help to discourage further boundary violations and protect your emotional well-being.
Read: 15 Signs A Narcissist is Playing Mind Games With You
5. Highlight Their Vulnerabilities
Narcissists often present themselves as invulnerable and flawless. However, they have their own insecurities and vulnerabilities, just like everyone else. One way to make a narcissist feel for hurting you is to subtly highlight these vulnerabilities. This doesn’t mean attacking or criticizing them but rather gently pointing out areas where they may not be as perfect as they believe.
For example, if a narcissist prides themselves on their intelligence, you might subtly mention a topic they’re not knowledgeable about or ask for their opinion on a subject they’re not familiar with.
You remind them that they’re not all-knowing and can’t be perfect in every way. This can be a subtle way to challenge their sense of superiority and make them more aware of their own vulnerabilities.
6. Seek External Validation Against Them
Narcissists crave attention and validation, often seeking it at the expense of others. One way to make them feel the impact of their actions is to seek validation from sources outside of their control. This could involve confiding in friends, family, or support groups about your experiences with the narcissist and seeking validation for your feelings.
For instance, if a narcissist constantly belittles you and undermines your accomplishments, you might seek validation from trusted friends or family members who can reassure you of your worth and achievements.
You undermine the narcissist’s attempts to control and manipulate your self-esteem by seeking validation from external sources. This can help you feel more confident and empowered in dealing with their hurtful behavior.
7. Maintain Emotional Independence from Them
Narcissists often try to control and manipulate others’ emotions to serve their own needs. One way to combat this is by maintaining emotional independence from them. This means not allowing your emotions to be dictated by their behavior or opinions of you.
For example, if a narcissist tries to provoke you or upset you with their words or actions, you can choose not to react emotionally. Instead, focus on your own feelings and needs, separate from theirs. Remind yourself that their behavior is a reflection of their own insecurities and issues, not a reflection of your worth as a person.
By maintaining emotional independence, you take back control over your own feelings and well-being.
You refuse to let the narcissist’s behavior dictate how you feel about yourself, which can be a powerful way to make them realize the impact of their hurtful actions.
8. Mirror Their Behavior
Mirroring the behavior of a narcissist can be an effective way to make them more aware of their actions and their impact on others. This doesn’t mean stooping to their level or engaging in manipulative tactics yourself, but rather subtly reflecting their behavior back to them in a neutral manner.
For example, if a narcissist interrupts you constantly during conversations, you might gently interrupt them when they’re speaking to make your point. By mirroring their behavior, you bring their attention to the fact that their actions are disrespectful and disruptive. This can prompt them to reflect on their behavior and consider how it affects others.
9. Limit Attention to Them
Narcissists thrive on attention and validation from others, so limiting the amount of attention you give them can be a powerful way to make them feel the impact of their actions. This doesn’t mean ignoring them completely, but rather being selective about when and how you engage with them.
For instance, if a narcissist constantly seeks attention by bragging about their accomplishments, you might respond with a brief acknowledgment and then shift the conversation to another topic. By not indulging their need for constant attention, you send a message that their behavior is not always going to be rewarded with the validation they seek.
10. Use Public Accountability with Them
Publicly holding a narcissist accountable for their actions can be a powerful way to make them realize the impact of their behavior on others. This doesn’t mean humiliating or shaming them, but rather addressing their hurtful actions in a respectful and constructive manner in front of others.
For example, if a narcissist makes a rude or offensive comment during a group conversation, you might calmly but firmly call them out on it and explain why their words were hurtful.
11. Highlight Empathy Gaps in Them
Narcissists often lack empathy for others and struggle to understand or acknowledge the feelings and experiences of those around them. One way to make them feel the impact of their actions is to highlight these empathy gaps and encourage them to consider the perspective of others.
For instance, if a narcissist dismisses your feelings or experiences, you might gently point out how their actions have affected you and ask them to imagine how they would feel if the situation were reversed.
12. Be Unimpressed by Their Tactics
Narcissists often employ manipulative tactics to control and influence others. By refusing to be impressed or affected by their manipulations, you undermine their power and control over you. This doesn’t mean dismissing their actions outright, but rather maintaining a sense of indifference or neutrality in response to their tactics.
For example, if a narcissist tries to guilt-trip you into doing something for them, you might acknowledge their attempt without giving in to their demands. By remaining calm and composed, you show them that their manipulative tactics are ineffective and that you cannot be easily swayed or manipulated.
13. Detach Emotionally from Them
Emotional detachment is a powerful tool when dealing with narcissists. It involves distancing yourself emotionally from their behavior and not allowing their actions to affect your own emotional well-being. This doesn’t mean shutting down your emotions entirely, but rather creating a healthy separation between yourself and the narcissist.
For instance, if a narcissist tries to provoke you or upset you with their words or actions, you might remind yourself that their behavior is a reflection of their own issues and insecurities, not a reflection of your worth as a person.
You prevent yourself from getting drawn into their drama and maintain a sense of inner calm and stability by detaching emotionally.
Read: 20 Obvious Signs Your Relationship is Beyond Repair
14. Encourage Self-Reflection in Them
Narcissists often struggle to see beyond their own perspective and are resistant to acknowledging their faults or mistakes. Encouraging them to engage in self-reflection can be a powerful way to make them more aware of the impact of their actions on others.
For example, if a narcissist behaves in a hurtful or disrespectful manner, you might gently but firmly encourage them to consider how their actions have affected those around them. By prompting them to reflect on their behavior, you challenge their tendency to blame others and encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.
15. Prioritize Self-Care Over Them
When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being above all else. This means taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally, regardless of the narcissist’s behavior or demands.
For example, if a narcissist tries to guilt-trip you into sacrificing your own needs for theirs, you might assertively but compassionately prioritize your own self-care. By setting boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being, you send a clear message that you value yourself and will not allow yourself to be mistreated or neglected.
16. Ignore Their Attention-Seeking Behavior
One effective strategy in dealing with narcissists is to ignore their attempts to seek attention. Narcissists often thrive on attention and validation from others, so by refusing to engage with them, you can diminish their power over you. This means not responding to their provocations, criticisms, or attempts to draw you into conflict.
18. Tell Them How Happy You Are
Instead, focus your attention on other people or activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Ignoring the narcissist’s attempts to provoke a reaction denies them the satisfaction they seek and helps maintain your emotional well-being.
17. Act Indifferent to Their Manipulative Tactics
Narcissists often seek to control others through emotional manipulation. By acting indifferent to their tactics, you undermine their power and assert your own autonomy. This involves showing that their words and actions do not have the desired impact on you.
Whether they are trying to provoke you, manipulate you, or gain your approval, responding with indifference can be a powerful way to assert your independence. By refusing to be emotionally manipulated, you demonstrate that you are not under their control and cannot be easily swayed by their tactics.
19. Communicate Objectively
Narcissists often try to make others feel inferior or inadequate. You can challenge their sense of superiority by confidently asserting your own happiness and success.
Whether it’s in your personal life, career, or relationships, openly expressing your contentment and fulfillment can be a subtle yet effective way to make a narcissist feel the impact of their hurtful behavior. In this way, you demonstrate that their attempts to diminish you have not succeeded and that you are thriving despite their efforts.
When communicating with a narcissist, it’s important to remain calm, rational, and factual. Narcissists often try to manipulate others by appealing to their emotions, so speaking in factual terms can help avoid being drawn into their drama. Stick to the facts of the situation and avoid getting caught up in emotional arguments or power struggles.
Present your case logically and objectively to assert yourself confidently. This demonstrates that you are not easily swayed by emotional manipulation and are capable of standing your ground.
Read: What Turns On a Female Narcissist? (20 surprising Turn On’s)
20. Prioritize Your Needs
In relationships with narcissists, it’s common for your needs and desires to be overlooked or dismissed in favor of theirs. To counteract this dynamic, prioritize your own needs and well-being above all else. This means advocating for yourself, setting boundaries, and making decisions that are in your best interest, even if it means disappointing the narcissist.
For example, if the narcissist pressures you to prioritize their needs over yours, assertively but compassionately communicate that you need to take care of yourself first.
You assert your independence and maintain your self-respect in the face of the narcissist’s attempts to control and manipulate you by prioritizing you needs.
