Has the arrival of your little bundle of joy been a bit tense and not too enjoyable for you?
Do you find that communication between you and your lover has stopped? You may be guaranteed that many new parents find themselves in this dilemma. Why does it happen? Is it something we can stop? How are you going to escape it?
This is all the information you need to understand your question “Why do couples fight after having a baby” and assist you in orienting yourself as a newly formed family.
Why do couples clash more after having a baby?
Symptoms of PPD (Postpartum Depression) are not the exclusive unpleasant shocks that follow birth. Fighting is another extremely common postpartum phenomenon that newlyweds experience following the birth of their child!
It should come as no surprise that weariness is the primary factor contributing to these conflicts in the majority of relationships, as sleep loss peaks for all parents following the birth of a child.
There are a lot of restless nights, busy schedules, and interrupted habits during those first few months. Not to add, you’re both trying to figure out how to juggle your families, jobs, responsibilities, and grandparents.
And disputes frequently result from high-stress levels. However, things don’t have to be this way. Sorry to burst your bubble, but being a parent isn’t stress-free, but you can manage and lessen it.
Not every parent will, however, experience this circumstance in the same manner, and depending on how long and intense it lasts, it may even result in divorce. Thus, it is crucial to describe this phenomenon, learn its origin and duration, and look for ways to mitigate it as much as possible.
Also Read, Why Do Married Couples Wear Rings On Right Hand
Why does the relationship tumble?
As any parent will tell you, the postpartum phase—which may extend for more than three years following the birth of your child—is an emotional and hormonal roller coaster for moms.
Both couples must adjust to their new duties as parents and establish a new balance in their lives with their kids as the mother progressively heals from her pregnancy and delivery. There are enough obstacles to cause them to get disoriented!
Add sleep loss and disrupted nights to this, and you have the perfect recipe for anxiety, confusion, and stress! The arrival of a kid may often cause a couple of problems in addition to ruining their sleep.
It can also cause a spectrum of emotions to arise. One or both couples may become frustrated due to the emotional strain and sense of being overburdened by their shared parenting responsibilities and domestic tasks.
In a fresh mother-baby relationship or a fusional father-baby connection, one partner may feel misinterpreted, undervalued, and rejected, while the other partner may feel left out or rejected. It’s critical to distinguish between the “parental” and “romantic” couples at this point.
In the first scenario, the couple’s connection is built on romantic sentiments, but in the second, the focus is frequently on the kids rather than the couple or the individual. In a routine dominated by childcare responsibilities and lack of sleep, relationships may suffer from a lack of romantic moments.
The birth of a baby might sometimes bring up old grievances from childhood that one may have sought to forget or that were never fully resolved.
The fantasy role that you expected from your spouse as a parent and that he or she no longer fulfils is the main source of disappointment, not the day-to-day problems.
Also Read, I Do, Part 2| Why Do Couples Renew Their Vows
Common Issues Couples Fights After having a baby
Some of the most common issues that I have heard from new parents around me are:
- Who is more tired?
Small? Indeed. However, even the additional twenty minutes of sleep your spouse was able to get in while you were cleaning the poop (that projectile that had blasted out of the baby earlier) from the carpet might cause you to become quite resentful.
- Who takes on more household chores?
It may seem like a lot of work to keep track of who gets to empty the dishwasher and how many times you’ve taken out the trash, but your brain has one fully working tab that shows you who has done what and when.
- Vaccinations
One partner in the relationship could be adamant that vaccines are the root cause of every childhood sickness that occurs in the present day, while the other partner worries about the consequences of not being vaccinated.
- Parenting Approach
We don’t all care about the same things equally all the time, despite our best attempts to discuss and decide on a parenting style.
While your partner may be more worried about the youngster picking his nose in public, you may be a stickler about thank-yous and pleases.
- Food
When it comes to what their child eats, there’s normally one parent who is a little more controlling, although both parents may very well have strong opinions.
Whether it’s breast or formula, organic or conventional, store-bought or handmade, the topic of food will come up frequently during the day and will probably result in a full-blown argument if you don’t talk about it and reach an agreement beforehand.
- Who uses their phone most frequently?
Nowadays, using a phone has become a hobby and a way to escape, and nobody needs an escape more than a new parent.
Regretfully, if one parent is using their phone to escape, the other parent probably has kids glued to them and is still using the microwave to reheat coffee that was made four hours earlier.
Also Read, 11 Alluring Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Good
Can you Control the fighting phase?
Talk and practical action are the two “tools” that can assist you get out of this predicament.
Boost your communication
It may seem apparent to communicate, but in severe situations, it may be difficult or impossible to do so, or it may be too late or impossible to overcome.
In these situations, reestablishing communication as the focal point of your partnership with the assistance of a third person may be essential to its improvement.
The initial stages of going forward together include spending time talking to each other and finding words to describe each other’s sentiments.
facilitate your daily life: pursue help from family or friends
Consider seeking help from a relative one or two evenings a week for a time if your kid doesn’t sleep through the night and your spouse isn’t able to relieve you as often as you’d want. or for a few hours during the day to allow you to rest and recuperate.
You’ll feel better and be able to get your bearings when you spend time with your lover or by yourself.
Even while having a meal together when it’s “still hot” may seem extremely basic, spending time together may strengthen relationships and foster closeness.
See if a friend might lend you a hand for a few hours if you are unable to contact your relatives. Recall that happy parents produce happy children! A happy relationship makes happy parents!
Minimise fights: Give Priority to your tasks
Of course, reducing one’s mental burden is the first step toward improving daily satisfaction. You won’t be able to complete the entire list, and that’s great.
Instead, sit down together and discuss your priorities to prevent overburden and the ensuing sentiments of anger.
Though it might seem apparent, giving it some thought and discussing it with one another promotes alignment and prevents one party from “blaming” the other for something that hasn’t been done.
feel Good: foresee as much as possible
Lastly, little things might occasionally be anticipated to make daily living easier, particularly if you find yourself in a rush or have to deal with an unforeseen situation.
This may be anything from prepping meals to freezing so you always have something to eat fast to tasking chores to your partner so you can get some rest, like doing the laundry or groceries.
Plan your Intimate Moments
After having a baby, having nice and warm physical moments can become a hassle. Sex becomes half as often and you fight more.
Setting aside time for sex is the best course of action. Although it’s common to joke about scheduling dates for sex, keep in mind that you did plan when you were dating. You planned and prepared for a night on the town.” You can still go on a great date even if you are married.
Make sure your bedroom is free of baby tools and toys, as one couple pointed out when it comes to boosting the frequency of sex on the evenings there’s nothing like rolling on top of a toy caterpillar that starts to play ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ to turn off the mood.
Take a break when things become a bit more heated.
Resolving an issue by leaving the room is sometimes the best course of action. Saying something that will ultimately inflict far more harm is not what you want to say.
Talk about the current problem. One problem at a time, solve it. Address the issue that caused the argument and reach a mutually acceptable resolution.
Make a conscious effort to communicate with your partner.
Newborns take control of your routine throughout the first several months of parenting. However, you and your partner can still communicate. Sitting and conversing with your infant during their naps can be more crucial than tidying the kitchen.
Tips To Strengthen Your Marriage After Baby
These are some tips to carry on with the marriage journey after having a baby. First things first, be gentle to each other. That’s what you need the most right now.
- Rather than casting broad judgments on someone’s character, ask for particular behavioural adjustments. Rather than, “You never do anything around here,” attempt to say, “Please buy more baby wipes when you notice we’re getting low.”
- After a hurtful remark or an unexpected fight, apologize right away.
- Ask “How do you feel?” instead of attempting to read people’s minds.
- Rephrase what your companion has said. Say this for example: “You’re upset because you feel I don’t spend enough time with the baby on the weekends. Is that right?
- Allow your spouse to answer when you have finished speaking in no more than two or three phrases.
- Forget tit for tat. Rather than saying, “Do you think I left the kitchen messy? You left it worse yesterday,” concentrate on the issue at hand’s solution.
- Even though it could seem harsh to stare at each other when in the thick of a conflict, hold hands.
- Give up on the past and tackle each issue one at a time.
- If things become too hot during an argument, take a 20-minute pause.
- “Is there anything else we need to discuss?” should be your last line.
Also Read, Marriage Magic 2024: What is a Sweetheart Honeymoon Revealed
Conclusion| Why Do Couples fight after having a baby
If you recently gave birth to a child and you can’t seem to get along, keep in mind that parenting is wonderful yet challenging.
Being a dad for the past eight years has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. Even if you and your partner have occasional arguments, you may still maintain a solid, happy marriage. Prioritize your marriage and provide your child with the finest environment possible at home.
